Cultural nadir

’Twas a backintheday that food was a mere back-end service at festivals, with the highly drugged off only able to manage a falafel or two before returning to the trip. Now it’s the cretinous focus – Jimmy Doherty has invited his friends Jamie Oliver, James Martin as well as a Gennaro, Gino and another James or two for very cosy phonetic arrangement for Harvest at Jimmy's at his massive east anglian farm. Perry Peters, we assume, was out of the running for this reason – but who’s going to make a two-course businessmen’s lunch for the commuters, sorry, festival goers?

'Organic' musicians Badly Brawn, Steph Lakeman and the legendary Athlete have accepted that this is the cultural frame their music lives in and have taken the gig.

Butter up your balls. Slap the cheese loudly on a cat, etc then (scroll down). If you do get within kicking range of Jamie’s ‘buns’ then make it hard and unforgiving. But let’s hope for a last-minute reprieve as the licence hasn’t been granted yet.